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✘✘گذشته ها گذشته...✘✘ - میترسم...

میترسم...



Snow Death
می ترسم که بمیرم ...!
از خود مرگ که نه
از این میترسم که در این خواب تاریک و مبهم
باید چشم براه حقیقتی تلخ شوم که قرارست
باری دیگر زنده شوم اما تو را نداشته باشم ...!!
می ترسم از حس سردرگمی که ، یک مرده دیگر با کدامین قلب می تواند دل ببند و عاشق شود ....!!
می ترسم از مرگ عشقی که در تن بی جانم جان میدهد و خاموش می شود ...!!!
می ترسم از ، دل کندنت از من و دل بستن به دیگری
غیر از این هم باشد بی فایده ست
خیلی مسخره است دل بستن به دلی که مرده
انگاری که به یک مرده خون میدهی ...!!
می ترسم از روزی که قرار است گم شوی
روزایی که بی تو می گذرد
روزی که دیگر نباشی ...!!
میبینی چه دردی دارد نبودنت ...؟؟؟
تصور نبودنت حتی از کابوس مرگ هم دردناک تر است ...!!
بار دیگر از خود میپرسم
که یک مرده اصلا احساس دارد ...؟؟
چون تحمل این همه درد جانی تازه میخواهد برای از دست دادن ....!!!
نه ...!!
یک مرده احساسی ندارد ...!!
مثل خود تو که چند وقتیست احساست مرده است ...!!
وقتی که عشقت در دلم زنده بود احساس تو مرده بود ...!
وقتی هم که من بمیرم خاطراتم در دل تو زنده می شود ...!
نمیدانم دلتنگم خواهی شد یا نه
اما اگر دلت هوامو کرد نامه که دیگر نه ، فاتحه بفرست ...!!
نمی دانم شاید مثل قبل بی تفاوت باشی اما این را میدانم
که دل سرد و تاریکت پر خواهد شد
از بوی تعفن شعر ها و نوشته هایی که دلم برایت می نوشت
و تو خیلی ساده و بی تفادت از آن ها رد می شدی ...!
بعد من تو هم خواهی مرد ...!!
خواهی مرد
با بغض تلخی که هر شب خفه ات میکند ...!!!

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